Single and Not Giving Up

Most of you know my story so I don’t want to repeat myself too much. But for a quick recap, at 26 years old I was very single (as in never married and no kids) and I humbly asked Jesus to pick out my husband. I had no idea I would still be single at age 38…it was twelve years later and I was STILL SINGLE!

While a part of me was super discouraged about my relationship status another part of me was full of peace. I felt disheartened because of how long it was taking for me to meet my husband, but I also had come so far in intimacy with Jesus that I was not giving up. It was like I knew that I knew that my husband was coming. I just didn’t know when. Sometimes Jesus only gives us a part of the answer and we have to trust him with the rest.

Don’t Give Up

While I will say that my husband was 100% worth the wait, I still hated the waiting period. It just felt so long and so unnecessary. I want to share with you how I waited and what the Holy Spirit spoke to me during that season.

Just like every other story on my life, meeting my husband Brett was a miracle. I’m praying for God to do the same marriage miracle for you. If you are reading this then I have prayed for you. If you are waiting for your husband, I can relate to the emotional place you are in because I was there. I got so desperate to meet my husband that I was willing to change any and every area of my life that needed change. Little did I know, this was grounds for a miracle.

But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.

Matthew 6:33, Amplified Bible

How I Waited

I surrendered to the fact that I was going to get married in God’s timing and not my own. Knowing that, I started to really change my life completely in my early 30s. I made a decision to be powerful in the things I could control. Here’s what I did:

  • First, I stopped having sex outside of marriage, repented, and broke soul ties with every one of my previous sexual partners because I wanted to be pure for my new husband. I decided I would not have sex again until I was a married woman. This decision attracted Brett (a guy who would commit) and more importantly it honored God. 
  • I decided to live my life the way I would want my future husband to live his life. For example, if I didn’t want him to date more than one person at a time then I wouldn’t either.
  • I started intense Christian counseling and emotional healing to find out why I was attracting men who would not commit. That was eye opening!!! I had so much to work on!
  • I prayed for my future husband often with this book by Stormie Omartian called, The Power of a Praying Wife.
  • I started fasting breakfast & lunch every Monday. On my lunch break I would decree God’s promises, articulate my dreams and speak scripture over my life. This helped me to keep a renewed mind and to stay hopeful.
  • I ended my emotional relationships with all men who would not commit. I would tell them that I wanted a husband not a hook up and that would scare them away so they stopped calling. LOL! Easy fix!
  • Believe in yourself. As I started to believe I was worthy of a good husband, I realized my value. At that point I started to require that same value from others. I put many new boundaries in place with family and friends.
  • I journaled with Jesus and started to get real with myself and my emotions. By the grace of God, I started to change. I stopped drinking too much alcohol, stopped abandoning myself, and started being present and honoring my emotions. Learning to treat my emotions as a guide to what I needed in each area of my life was a huge factor in my healing. It also positively affected the type of wife and mother I would be, which was so important.
  • I laid every doubt at the feet of Jesus. This was by far one of the most difficult parts of the journey because I was undoing the lies I had believed about the goodness of God. I had no idea how much I was loved by Him!! While it was tough to undo all the lies I believed, it was worth it! Little did I know I was starting my foundation with Jesus. And I’m still living on that deep foundation today.
  • You have a God-given destiny and God wants to answer the desires of your heart. Your job is to believe, stop doubting, and place your faith in Jesus. Then, Jesus will perform the miracle!

Meeting My Husband

Then, the miracles started. Here’s the heartfelt truth about how it happened.

After a truly awful date I prayed and surrendered my future to Jesus. I sat in my car after the date and genuinely said, “Lord, let your will be done. Whoever you want me to marry, I will marry.” Then, as clear as day I heard Holy Spirit tell me to start praying for my husband’s ex-wife. That was in June of 2014 and  I ended up meeting Brett in September of that same year.

I prayed for her every day like she was my best friend. I took it very seriously because I knew I had heard from God. Amy (Brett’s ex-wife) and I have always had a good relationship and I believe it’s because of the prayers I prayed for us. God grew a love in me for her and her for me, which has served us well.

Amy has always honored me as our kids’ stepmom and treated me like family. Our relationship is not perfect but we have a deep appreciation and love for one another. We are a blended family and we love and respect each other very much. Only God can do that!

My Last Piece of Advice

Be willing to lay down your desires and tell God you will do it His way. I originally did not want to marry someone who was divorced with kids, but God changed my heart and it’s been the most wonderful experience. I love being a stepmom. It has its difficult times just like being a Mom but the good definitely outweighs the bad and my boys are so worth it!!

Remember how I said I was still single at age 38? Well, that was because my husband would not become single until I was age 38! You can trust God with your destiny. Just because your future looks nothing like you thought it would does not mean it will not be the most wonderful time of your life.

My husband is the absolute love of my life and I love all parts of him, especially our beautiful children. It scares me to think that I may have missed marrying my husband because of not yielding to God’s plan for my life.

I want to encourage you to yield to God and let His plan unfold. I promise you it’ll be better than you could ever think or imagine. I’m so glad I waited for my husband and my boys. It is now my joy to have waited on God’s timing and to get to experience the life we have together. As I write this today my husband and I have been married for over seven years.

Rayna Piazza

With over 15 years of emotional healing ministry experience, Rayna Piazza blogs about emotional wellness and personal growth for Christian women. Rayna believes that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in her (Romans 8:11) and that you too can experience His power if only you believe. Take a journey with Rayna to explore the ins and outs of emotional healing, learn your purpose, and walk in your God-given destiny. The Seeking Him Today blog is named in the Top 100 Best Christian Women Blogs and Websites by Feedspot.

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