Last Updated on March 29, 2022 by Rayna
Jesus answered me and my husband’s prayers for a baby just like He said He would! On Christmas Eve of 2021 our miracle baby girl was born. She is more perfect than we could have ever imagined. And her story is that of miracle proportions.
Our Christmas baby!! She is most definitely a GIFT! To get to her we were matched through embryo adoption. Our yes led to our baby girl’s first chance for life after two years of being a frozen embryo.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joyPsalm 30:11 NIV
I have this scripture on my screensaver…Psalm 30:11. I chose to stand on this scripture as I waited for my baby. It was difficult but I made a choice to put the grief behind me and BELIEVE JESUS. Despite my circumstances I continually chose to believe that one day I would have the joy of holding my child in my arms. Every time I opened my laptop I would see this scripture and read it. Sometimes I would even read it aloud to get it in my soul. As I read it aloud I knew I was prophesying over my life. Then I would imagine my tears turning into dancing and waking each day with the joy of having a new baby.
And, deep in my spirit I knew my baby was coming. Jesus had confirmed it to me so many times. I just did not know when. And that part, the when part, was super hard. Because it could be another five years or it could be next month. I had a hard time with the waiting especially because I was now in my mid-40s.
Our Fertility Journey
We started our fertility journey in 2016. After five long years of loss we were matched with our miracle baby through embryo adoption. As I write on my About Me page, Jesus told me to start this blog BEFORE I received my miracle baby. That was in January of 2019 when we were in our third year of trying for a baby.
Never did I dream that it would be two more entire years before I held my baby in my arms. Ironically our baby was conceived in 2019 through IVF then was frozen to await transfer. I had no idea that she was conceived just months after I started my blog! But Jesus knew. He also knew that it would take two more years before I would be pregnant with my child.
How Jesus Answered
I love how Jesus answered. After three miscarriages, three failed IUIs, and five failed adoptions we landed on embryo adoption. It has been such a beautiful experience! We chose to have an open adoption with our donor family. Because they were so selfless, Brett and I get to raise our third child together from newborn to forever.
For those who don’t know my story I’ll give you a quick recap. Brett and I married in 2015 and I became a stepmom. Our boys were ages 12 and 6 at the time. So, I was really familiar with raising children but I did not have the experience of having a baby. From day one of our marriage we had decided to grow our family so I would get to have that experience.
Our sweet baby girl answered our prayers for a child that we could raise from the time she arrived in this world. My husband was so faithful to me and supported me during the very long wait. It was difficult on him to watch me grieve so much and he grieved too. God can use everything and He used our grief to grow us closer as a couple.
Our Path to Adoption
Brett and I were always open to adoption from day one of our fertility journey. In fact, I have known in my heart that I would adopt a baby girl since I was sixteen years old. And when Brett and I were dating he shared with me that he was also very open to adoption. We both felt that adoption was a beautiful way to grow our family. My only thing was this. I wanted my adopted baby to have breast milk because of all the health benefits.
In my prayers I was asking for my adopted child to have everything she needed as a newborn. I prayed that she would attach to us and that she would eat well and sleep well. Little did I know, embryo adoption would be our path and that allowed for traditional attachment via pregnancy AND I would be able to breast feed! In my prayers I was just hoping for healthy, donor breast milk. But, Jesus took it a step further as He always does. I am breastfeeding my adopted baby! And I got to carry her in my womb!! How incredible is that?!!!!
Carrying My Adopted Baby
The fact that I got to carry my adopted baby in my womb still blows me away! I am so humbled by His goodness. Never would I have dreamed that adoption could be this way. I love the path of traditional adoption and we almost received our baby that way five different times. But in the end Jesus chose embryo adoption for our family.
In 2019, the same year I started the blog, Jesus spoke to me. We were in my bible study group and seeking Him. After listening to a few worship songs I asked the group to journal what Jesus was speaking to their hearts. In that moment, I heard Him speak to my heart. He said, “You will adopt by the fruit of your womb.” I had no idea what that meant but I wrote down what I heard.
“You will adopt by the fruit of your womb.”-Jesus
Jesus Always Knew
And as I look back I realize that Jesus always knew. He knew all about embryo adoptions even though I did not. He also knew the year and the day I would deliver my baby girl into this world. It was Christmas Eve of all days! The night before we celebrate Jesus’s birth. When I think about all the details my heart swells and I feel so loved by Jesus. The irony is that if I didn’t have to wait five years for my baby then I would not have the realized the depth of all the miracles that had to occur for everything to happen. So many details had to be woven together to get our baby girl into our arms.
Meeting Our Donor Family
We decided to meet our donor family in the third trimester of pregnancy. They let us know in the beginning that they would respect our decision to move forward with the open adoption as we felt comfortable. Brett and I wanted to thank them in person and express our gratitude for the greatest gift we have ever received.
We met at a restaurant and it was surreal! They are the most amazing people and we have so much in common. Our waiter kept coming to the table to take our order then turning around before approaching us because we were all crying. Over and over the happy tears were flowing. We were celebrating our baby’s life together. They were so thankful that we were giving her life and we were so thankful for the opportunity to birth and raise her.
I think the most beautiful part was at the end when our donor mom placed her hand on my husband’s arm. She looked us both in the eyes and said, “I’m just so glad it’s you.” She explained that she prayed that each embryo in her batch would have a chance for life. Her prayer for me was that I would conceive on my first transfer. (And we did!)
Our donor family had also been through a five year fertility journey. The bond we have is incredible because we know the same struggle of waiting for a child. We also all want the same thing for our child. We want her to have a good life and to know Jesus. As I write this to you today I am again blown away by God’s goodness.
After my second miscarriage in 2019 I began the process of surrender. I told Jesus that He could grow our family any way He wanted to. As I laid down my desires and my expectations before Him, I began to offer Him free reign over my life. It was a process and a hard one at that.
When you surrender you give up all control. I started to coach myself and say, “You say you trust Jesus but do you really? Can you give Him full control?” Every time I would try to take back control I would hand it back over to Jesus. This happened often.
In my season of waiting Jesus had given me the gift of faith in my heart. I would tap into that and release my fears and worries to Him. I told Him how much I hated waiting but also that I knew our baby would be worth the wait. It was a time of great despair and great hope. Every time I felt hopeless something would happen that would renew my faith.
I would not trade the intimacy Jesus and I created in my time of waiting for anything in the world. That alone was worth the wait. You see, we usually find Jesus in our despair. And He’s right there waiting with open arms.
Receiving His Grace
I am so thankful for HIs grace in my season of waiting. It was not pretty in so many ways because so many of my fears were surfacing. Doubt and unbelief were battling my every thought. And, if you are are waiting for your baby right now, just know that He has endless grace for you too. It’s okay to get mad and question your circumstance. I wrote a blog on how to stop doubting your destiny and I hope it helps you in this season. I just want to encourage you not to stay there in your grief and worry. Roll it on to Him. Jesus can take it and He will replace your mourning with joy. The first three verses of Isaiah 61 really ministered to me in this season.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.Isaiah 61: 1-3, NIV
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